Largest Christian Newspaper in America • goodnewsfl.org • April 2022 • Volume 23, Issue 13
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On The Cover All American, University of Miami National Champion and former NFL wide receiver for the N.Y. Giants, Third Generation Pastor Daryl Jones now plays on a different field. He’s pictured here at The Rock Fellowship, the church he planted in Miami Lakes. Read the full article on page 30. Photo by Justus Martin www.justusmartinphoto.com PUBLISHER 6 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition As I age, words take on newer meanings. The words stay the same, but the conditions and applications change. When I now think of Easter, I no doubt remember Passover. As a kid, I remember perhaps being in third or fourth grade, and my daily ritual was to go to school and then after school in Detroit, I would walk to Hebrew school. (In Miami Beach I would also walk to the synagogue, and it was across the street from my school. There were basketball courts in the park between the two schools, and I honestly can’t remember if I actually made it past the basketball courts with any regularity?) Looking back, Hebrew school was more like a religious day care. My most vivid memories were the constant push to do your part and buy a tree for our new country of Israel. This was the early 1960’s. We each had a work booklet that the rabbi would religiously record our weekly donations of quarters.As I remembered, it wasmaybe the aggregate of those quarters to add up to $2.00 and you would then get a sticker of a tree for your workbook, signaling you had done your part to support Israel. By buying a tree, MYnamewould be on that tree I was told! That was a big deal. I was very competitive. I hadmultiple pages of tree stickers and that had become well hidden in the recesses of my memory until my first trip to Israel. That memory resurfaced about a decade ago with the thought: I’m here in Israel, somewhere there’s a forest with my name on some trees… I was told there would be…. (images of evergreen Christmas looking trees, like themany stickers inmy school workbook?) then thinking, sure Les, it was a sales pitch so don’t be a sap. But I am competitive, and now I wanted to see if my rabbi gamed me or what? So I asked the official tour guide assigned to our tour bus that lead tourist groups and are required to take extensive history lessons for a couple of years to give you the goods every time you ask a question… “Did Jesus really walk on this street near the nearby garden of Gethsemane?” So I asked, “So where’s the forest with all the trees with our nameplates?” Me thinking as a little wise guy, I must have my own mini Leslie from Detroit forrest? The guide laughed, “I don’t know about nameplates….Hadn’t heard that before but when we get near, I’ll point it out.” Seriously? So, I digress. Those are the memories. We went to Hebrew school to learn to read and speak Hebrew. Much more than that is a fog, and I wasn’t even keen about that. But, my father explained to me, “Leslie, I’m sure you’d rather be playing some kind of ball, but in a couple of years you’re going to be 13 and you need to have your Bar Mitzvah.” Why? I don’t need one of those; I can’t seem to learn Hebrew and English is hard enough! My dad was an accomplished negotiator, especially against a precocious pre-teen who knows when I’m overmatched. My dad offered, “That’s ok then you’ll be the only boy in the whole family who was not Bar Mitzvahed.” My dad was one of six siblings, and my mom was one of three siblings — so that’s nine kids, all with a slew of kids and cousins and the traditional Bar Mitzvah with a huge family and friends is a big payday score for a thirteen year old. I may have sucked at Hebrew, but I was an ace at math. That leads to the one true family religious gathering: Passover, which always coincides with Easter. The Passover Seder is the traditional Passover meal that includes reading, drinking four cups of wine, telling stories, eating special foods, singing and other Passover traditions. As per Biblical command, it is held after nightfall on the first night of Passover (and the second night if you live outside of Israel), the anniversary of our nation’s miraculous exodus from Egyptian slavery more than 3,000 years ago. • Ceremonial foods are all arranged on a platter, called a ka’arah or Seder plate. There may be one ka’arah for the entire Seder, or several. • The procedure is all laid out in a book called a Haggadah. Although the text is in Hebrew (with a sprinkling of Aramaic), it is perfectly acceptable to read the Haggadah in translation if you don’t understand Hebrew. Without question I’ve learned much more about Judaism through the Bible than the Torah, but I still cherish the customs and heritage. Happy Easter everyone; He Has Risen! Hallelujah. Les South Florida Edition • Good News • April 2022 • Volume 23, Issue 13 Advertising: We reach over 110,000 readers each month. 80,000 in print and 30,000 via our online digital edition. Placing an ad in our publication is affordable and effective to help grow your business. Call us today! Distribution: Available inmore than 800 locations throughout South Florida. To become a free distribution point for the newspaper, please contact Shelly. The Good News is published by Good News Media Group, LLC, Reproduction in whole or part strictly forbidden without the consent of the publisher. Copyright 2021. All rights reserved. Good News Media Group, LLC. PO Box 670368, Coral Springs, FL 33067 954-564-5378 • www.goodnewsfl.org Publisher: Leslie J. Feldman [email protected] Editor: Shelly Pond [email protected] Art Director: Milton McPherson [email protected] Advertising & Marketing: Robert “Buddy” Helland Jr. V.P. Sr. Marketing Manager [email protected] Vice President: Michael Denker Corporate Engagement [email protected] Social Media Manager: Ariel Feldman [email protected] Editorial Assistant: Eric Solomon [email protected] Cover Photography: Justus Martin [email protected] Easter and Passover PERSPECTIVE . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Lessons fromASloth – by Stephan N. Tchividjian IN THEWORD . . . . . . . . . .10 Franklin Graham: Crime and No Punishment – by Franklin Graham OPINION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Operation Timothy - Making Disciples For 50 Years by Newton Fairweather PARENTING . . . . . . . . . . . .14 Dealing with Relationship Cancer: Anger – by Dr. Bob Barnes & Torrey Roberts LIVE THE LIFE . . . . . . . . . . .16 To Forgive Is to Obey - by Lisa May YOU ASKWHY? . . . . . . . . .18 What’s So “Good” About Good Friday? – by Dr. Tommy Boland THE CODE . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20 O Lord, How Long…? – by Dr. O.S. Hawkins HEART AND SOUL . . . . . .22 Students Experience ADeeper Level of Learning as They Study And Depict Stories of Redemption – by Dr. Debra A. Schwinn CHURCHUNITED . . . . . . .24 ACommercial, Click And Connection – by Edwin Copeland COVER STORY . . . . . . . . . .30 UM National Champion and NFLWide Receiver Daryl Jones Now Plays on a Different Field - by Shelly Pond GOOD NEWS WANTS TO KNOW .32 – 34 What has most surprised or impacted you since the Russian invasion of Ukraine? INSIGHT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 What Nicodemus Can Teach Us This Easter? – by Rob Hoskins VILLAGE HYMNS . . . . . . . .38 First Love – by Meghan Burke LEGAL Q&A . . . . . . . . . . . . .40 Looking toAdopt? Is Public or Private Best for You? – by William “Bill” C. Davell and Jeff Wood THERE & BACK AGAIN . .42 The End of All things Is Near – by Dr. Gene L. Green SUMMER CAMP GUIDE 2022 . . . . . . . . . . . . .44 MOVIES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .46 CALENDAR . . . . . . . . .56 - 57 CLASSIFIEDS . . . . . . . . .58 63 Leslie J. Feldman C O N T E N T S Good News • April • Volume 23 Issue 13
PERSPECTIVE 8 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition Recently, sloths have been making some appearances. They have had cameos in movies and videos and in some cases have gone viral (a term that today means…became popular). Sloths are best known for their movements, specifically the slow pace and intentionality. They are not known for their looks, but for their speed (or lack of…tacked at .17 miles per hour). I bring up the Sloth because God reminds me of howmuch I miss when I move too fast… and that brings up what I want to talk about. I typically don’t like to fast. I know it’s important, and it’s encouraged throughout the Bible and Jesus models it. I know that there are many benefits to fasting. The clarity and focus that occurs as one intently focuses on Jesus is something supernatural. I have dear friends who fast regularly for extended times and speak of its benefits. Many times, a fast is used to better hear the voice of God, seek a breakthrough or stand in the gap for someone. I still don’t like to fast; however, I have fasted many times and frankly, will fast again. Many churches, including my own, have seasons where they encourage their community to fast. The beginning of the year as well as the Lenten season (the days that lead to Easter) are popular time periods for such a community fast. The fasting opportunity is completely voluntary and the options of what to fast are left up to each participant. I know of many people who declare a Daniel Fast, meaning that the participant will eat only fruits and vegetables for the duration of the fast (among a few other edits of one’s normal diet). I also know others who simply do water for 21 days, no food whatsoever (this fast is intense and a doctor’s approval may be wise). I also know of others who may fast social media, television, alcohol, a hobby, etc. Therefore, the idea of fasting is simply to take something you may have allowed to become too important (an idol perhaps) and eliminate it from your life. 21 Day Fast Every year I am faced with the opportunity to participate in our church’s 21-day fast, and every year I struggled to think about what I am going to fast. I have several options, but I don’t want it to become rote. I usually begin by having numerous conversations with the Lord about it. What is He suggesting I fast? I have to check my attitude because it’s not something I’m excited about (I think I already explained that), and I think about anything in my life that perhaps has become an idol. I realize that I have a lot of idols, more than I want to admit. These idols don’t always look like idols. I’ve heard one way to identify an idol is to consider what in my life I find takes no effort to spend time or money on or perhaps that which I am most afraid of? I know these are not full proof tests, but it does cause me to think. Sometimes the littlest things or best things become idols. For example, can my marriage become an idol? Are my children an idol? Perhaps my reputation, my health, my work, my choices, my church etc. My conundrum continues. Does God want me to fast, and if so, what do I fast? My God suggested something to me in one of our conversations. He simply challenged my attitude about my fast. He asked me what the point of the fast was. I simply suggested it was to get closer to Him, hear His voice, remove idols that get in the way of our relationship; bottom line, spend more time with Him. He seemed perplexed (not that God gets perplexed) as to why I was dreading this. He challenged my paradigm. God does that from time to time. He asked if my attitude would change if He were to invite me to an all-expense paid luxury vacation to the islands, simply to spend time with Him. I responded that I certainly would do that with no hesitancy. The objective God then birthed a great idea. The 21-Day Slow emerged. God simply said, “Now, I would rather you take the next 21 days and slow down, spend more time with me, draw close to me by being quiet, reading, more intentional prayer, worship etc. (aka the promised island vacation). I thought the solution to my dilemma was brilliant. God’s focus was on the objective not the mechanics. Sometimes I get caught up in the how and not the why. I recently read that Steve Jobs (Apple founder) commonly asked three questions. First, “What’s not working?” Second, “Why is it not working?” Lastly, “Is that the best we can do?” Perhaps when I slow down, I see what God wants me to see. Perhaps He gently shows me the areas of my life that could improve (those idols that get in the way) and how to improve on them. I find that God is my confidant. He honestly addresses what’s not working, why it’s not working and how He equips me to do my best work. The opportunity to be the best husband, wife, father, mother, business partner, friend, etc. is available to me with Him. God provides me a gentle reminder that He’s always with me, and He’s never going to give up on me, and that to delight in Him, indulge in Him, hang with Him is always more important than wondering what I’ve got to eat or not eat to show Him I love Him. Therefore, there may be one way to fast and that is to fast from being busy and perhaps that’s what I can learn from the Sloth. Stephan N. Tchividjian is the president and founder of the National Christian Foundation South Florida. Visit southflorida.ncfgiving.com to learn more. - Stephan N. Tchividjian - National Christian Foundation President Lessons from a Sloth
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10 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition IN THE WORD When two New York City police officers were ambushed and killed in January, thousands of officers, standing shoulder to shoulder, gathered solemnly to honor their fallen comrades. Downtown Manhattan was a sea of blue, as police cars stretched for miles. Officers from across the nation as well as several foreign countries joined in the moving scenes outside St. Patrick’s Cathedral. The widow of Detective Jason Rivera wept as she spoke of her husband. He was 22, and they had been married only three months. But she also clearly called out the district attorney of New York City, whose leftist policies have put first responders at terrible risk from repeat violent offenders. Officer Wilbert Mora’s sister, Karina Mora, also spoke and asked: “How many more officers will have to lose their lives for this system to change?” Sadly, in cities across America, crime rates have soared due to liberal prosecutors’ misguided policies on issues such as bail reform and defunding the police. Violent criminals are allowed back on the streets — sometimes as quickly as a day after their arrest —many of whom commit yet more crimes and continue to harm and threaten innocent people. Unbelievably, some in our justice system now bestow more rights to criminals than to their victims. What has happened in our country, that rising crime is now one of the top concerns of citizens and voters? It’s even a bigger concern than the COVID-19 pandemic, according to one poll. I believe the fundamental cause of this problem — which I thought I would never see — is the absurd notion that crime and criminals don’t deserve to be justly punished. The foundation of our justice system has always been punishment that fits the crime, but apparently it is now turning into crime and no punishment. Leading this charge in cities such as Portland, Minneapolis, LosAngeles, New York and San Francisco are delusional, progressive officials who believe that every criminal will be magically reformed and rehabilitated if only given the chance. Even death row at the infamous San Quentin prison in California is being dismantled as the far-left governor, Gavin Newsom, takes steps to turn that section into a “positive, healing environment.” In the 13th chapter of Romans, theApostle Paul lays down the primary premise of civil government. “For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. …If you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer” (verses 3-4). Government is ordained by God to “punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good” (1 Peter 2:14). For centuries, the moral code for our justice system has relied on the fundamental concept of punishing transgressors of the law. Obey the law, and you have nothing to worry about. Disobey the law, and you will receive the bitter fruit of your disobedience. Any attempt to change that equation will ultimately result in the kind of chaos we are witnessing now. Criminals who no longer fear proper punishment will simply continue to commit yet more offenses. Why? Because evil lurks in the hearts of men. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9, NKJV). “Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil” (Ecclesiastes 8:11, NKJV). God’s justice and holiness demand that evil be punished, not just here and now but in the eternal state as well. Upon His glorious return, our Lord Jesus Christ will mete out judgment for those who have refused His gracious offer of salvation and instead lived as rebels on earth. For such people, the Lord will come “in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might” (2 Thessalonians 1:8-9). But if this is true, and it is, what about those who have turned to Christ in faith and repentance from sin? Since God is just, does He punish even the sins of believers, since we all sin every day? Well, here is the incredibly good news of the Gospel: Christ has suffered for our sins once for all on the cross at Calvary. In our stead and in our place, Jesus undertook the punishment for sin that we so clearly deserve. The Father who sent His Son to rescue us from sin poured out His wrath on the Savior so that we might be forgiven. “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). In God’s mercy for sin-stained humanity, His justice was executed upon His one and only Son at the cross. The punishment for our sins was completed, so that we who believe on His Name might no longer be condemned. “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God” (1 Peter 3:18). This is the cornerstone of the Gospel. “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment but has passed from death to life” (John 5:24). In the words of 19th-century preacher Charles Spurgeon: “Wonder ye heavens! Be astonished O earth! That very justice which stood in the sinner’s way and prevented his being pardoned, has been by the gospel of Christ appeased; by the rich atonement offered upon Calvary, justice is satisfied, has sheathed its sword, and has now not a word to say against the pardon of the penitent. Nay, more, that justice once so angry, whose brow was lightning, and whose voice was thunder, has now become the sinner’s advocate, and itself with its mighty voice pleads with God, that whosoever confesses his sin should be pardoned and be cleansed from all unrighteousness.” Thanks be to God, who delivers us from the wrath to come! Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. The Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version. ©2021 Samaritan's Purse ©2021 Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. BGEA is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. Used by permission decisionmagazine.com - Franklin Graham - President and CEO Samaritan’s Purse and Billy Graham Evangelistic Association Franklin Graham: Crime and No Punishment Criminals who no longer fear proper punishment will simply continue to commit yet more offenses. Why? Because evil lurks in the hearts of men.” “ Well, here is the incredibly good news of the Gospel: Christ has suffered for our sins once for all on the cross at Calvary.” “
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OPINION 12 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition According toTHECONNECTORnewsletter (Winter 2022, pg.3), “Fifty years ago, CBMC began to undergo what would amount to a seismic shift in its focus and strategies for taking the good news of Jesus Christ to the Marketplace. Over the first 40yearsofministry, CBMChadconcentrated almost exclusively on evangelism, presenting the gospel message to masses in some of the nation’s largest cities, before narrowing its scope to business and professional men. However, a key element of Jesus’ Great Commission – making disciples - was not being addressed.” The CBMC mission statement is, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations. Teaching them to observe all that I commanded you” (Matthew 28:18-20). Through living out its mission, the newsletter states, “CBMC was finding success in seeing people become converts to faith in Christ but lacked a plan for assisting them in becoming fruitful disciples.” However, that change in 1970 when Joe Coggeshall along with Pete George helped develop what is now called “Operation Timothy.” “The title was inspired by 2 Timothy 2:2, in which the apostle Paul exhorted Timothy, “And the things you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” “This single verse, Joe Coggeshall explained, described a model for spiritual reproduction, showing four generations of believers – Paul, Timothy, ‘faithful men’ and ‘others’” (The Connector, Winter 2022, pg. 3). Over the years Operation Timothy has undergone many changes in its teaching material, which now includes reproduction in multiple languages in the digital form, and availability on many platforms. The one thing that has not change is the spirit of Operation Timothy, which is teaching men to carry out the great commission, one person at a time. Recently I sat down with the area Director of CBMC, Steve Solomon, to get his input on how CBMC - Operation Timothy has evolved over the years. What is the main focus of Operation Timothy in 2022? Solomon: Operation Timothy is a progressive study to help businessmen grow spiritually. Throughone-on-onementoring (basedon thePaul andTimothymodel),men are equipped to live a life of purpose. The next step is to develop thesemen to step out and reproduce and take on another businessman to bring through the program. What are some of the things that the young professionals had to say about Operation Timothy? Solomon: Through Operation Timothy, young professionals have been able to grow spiritually in their walk with God while integrating their faith at work, family and church. As one young professional put it, “I no longer leave my faith and walk with God on Sunday but continue on Monday and throughout the week at work.” What are some of the ways that CBMC has grown because of Operation Timothy? Solomon: CBMC South Florida has grown from three groups in July 2018 to 45+ groups in January 2022 with Operation Timothy at the foundation of the growth. In 2021 even through the Covid pandemic, 140+ men went through the program with a goal of 250 in 2022. The volunteer leaders that went through Operation Timothy have helped CBMC reach the Marketplace for Christ…our Mission. We could not be this advanced without the core of developed businessmen leaders. My Story - Paul Does Operation Timothy work? I’ll let you answer that question after I tell you about my experience: The world we live in has many challenges. Yet the work of the great commission must continue. Every Operation Timothy will be different because of what a “Paul and Timothy” brings to the table, which is a history that is not the same. I was first asked to do Operation Timothy by the CBMC area director Steve Solomon. Steve is a persistent guy. For over a year he would ask me, and I would decline. I had a ton of excuses, legit as they were, he kept asking. I don’t know what happen, but after much deliberation, one day I said yes. It took another threemonths before I became a “Paul” to a “Timothy,” who lives in SouthAfrica. I had prepared myself well by reading over the CBMC Timothy plan. The material was excellent and there were areas where I could add a little personal touch to the format. Lesson number one never judge a book by its cover. A lesson I thought I had learned over the years, but I had not learned enough. This experience turned out to be truly “iron sharpening iron.” This Timothy, named Robin, was a young professional. One who loved the Lord and wanted to learn. We started this journey over six months ago and there is still time left before we cross the finish line. I must say that I have learned as much from Robin as he has learned from me. His Story - Timothy Recently Robin and his business partner had an opportunity to travel to New York to expand their personal business in South Africa. During their travel they intentionally planned a visit to CBMC in Fort Lauderdale to meet some of the faces they have been talking to by Zoom. Before his visit, I asked Robin to answer a few questions about Operation Timothy and his experience thus far: How did you learn about CBMC? Robin: Through INcontext International (www.incontextinternational.org), a non-profit Christian organization involved in missions around the world. I've volunteered for the organization since 2015, traveling to Egypt and Uganda with them. How did you learn about Operation Timothy? Robin: Initially, I browsed CBMC's website and learned a bit about Operation Timothy. Then I reached out to CBMC, and that's how I came into contact with Steve Solomon. God had definitely laid inmy heart at the time the need for a spiritual mentor. Steve immediately invited me to join some of the Bible study groups. What has Impressed you the most about Operation Timothy? Robin: The quality of the material. It challenged me to think and seek to go deeper in my relationship with God as everything goes back to exactly that, your personal relationship with God. Whether one is dealing with Purpose, Work, Relationships, Family, the starting point for all, it is the same. You indicated you would like to use this to mentor some of the young professionals you know in your country. Why? Robin: Quoting scripture, not sure of the verse exactly, "but to whom much is given, much will be required of him." The knowledge, wisdom and relationships gained through CBMC are definitely not for me alone. I know and understand the responsibility God has laid on me, and I'm honored to be entrusted by Him with such a responsibility. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it is that you learn more outside the classroom. When you teach others what you've learned, that's when the rubber really hits the road. As a young professional how does the content of Operation Timothy help you in your day-to-day life? Robin: Being able to guard your heart, mind and soul with God's word is important because what you let in continually shapes your perspective. In short, the content in Operation Timothy is a reminder to walk through life seeing things from God's perspective. In the spirit of Paul, I believe Operation Timothy can be summarized by this scripture: “We each carried out our servant assignment. I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow. It’s not the one who plants or the one who waters who is at the center of this process but God, who makes things grow. Planting and watering are menial servant jobs at minimum wages. What makes them worth doing is the God we are serving. You happen to be God’s field in which we are working” (1 Corinthians 3:6b-8 MSG). To check out other programs and to connect with CBMC, go to our national website: www.cbmc.com or contact Steve Solomon, Area Director of CBMC South Florida at [email protected] or 954-805-0351. Newton Fairweather is the pastor of Faith and Joy Church and the CBMC Fort Lauderdale Board Chaplin. Making Disciples for 50 Years - Newton Fairweather - Pastor, Faith and Joy Church and CBMC Fort Lauderdale Board Chaplin Newton Fairweather, Desmond Madumetja Ratsoma, Steve Solomon and Robin Sibuisco Bhebhe
14 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition PARENTING Some children hear the word “No” and they become frustrated or argue. They are disappointed, but they remain in control. Other children hear the same word and explode into rage. Some adults can discuss differences of opinion and work through conflict. Other adults only need to be inconvenienced the least bit on the highway and they explode into rage. It is all about anger! Anger is arguably the most debilitating relationship cancer there is. When a parent sees rage explode out of their child, there is a feeling of helplessness. When an adult sees rage erupt from their spouse, fear clouds the house and the relationship is momentarily killed. Why do some people handle their anger, while other people seem to be handled by their anger? Anger in and of itself is only an emotion. The Bible tells us to “Be angry, and do not sin:…” (Ephesians 4:26a NKJV). There is an acknowledgement in this verse that states the fact that anger is an emotion, and it must be dealt with. As an emotion we will have anger, but we must not allow anger to control us. In other words, deal with it before you allow it to cause you to sin. Find the source Rarely is the particular circumstance that brings forth the outburst of anger the real cause of the anger. The fact that someone gets in front of me on the highway, causing me to have to slow down, cannot possibly be the reason for my outrageous thoughts or gestures (not that I ever have to deal with anger myself). The behavior of other people, such as hearing the word “No”, is not the cause of the anger; it is only the vent for anger. Anger is like an underground irrigation systemon a lawn. Like the water, it keeps moving and building up force until it finds a place (a sprinkler) to gush out all over everyone. The anger is an emotional reality, but it must be dealt with long before it reaches the sprinklers. If the anger in a child is not dealt with by the parent, it will become a guiding and ruining force later on in adulthood. It will get a foothold in the door of that person’s personality and be more difficult to eradicate later on in life (Ephesians 4:27). Not getting what you want There are two kinds of anger we see in our children. One is when a child does not get his or her way. They erupt and lash out at the authority figure in front of them. Frustration Asecond kind of anger outburst comes from frustration. This type of anger outburst happens when a child cannot perform a task they are trying to do, and they begin throwing objects across the room. Neither outburst is about the circumstances at hand. Both are warning signs of anger that is getting control. Emotional pain It is not easy to pinpoint where uncontrollable anger outbursts originate. Sometimes one child’s anger outbursts are the warning signs of a whole family in pain. Divorce often brings out anger in one of the children. One child might go into a shell while the other child announces the family hurts by exploding all over the parent and life in general. Emotional pain is difficult for a child to talk about. He does not have the words and often times he does not have a listening ear to help pull it out of him. Fear The fear of being moved to a new neighborhood or school can cause a child to elicit temper tantrums that do not make sense to the parent. Betrayal Anger erupts in some people when they feel betrayed or unimportant to the people they love. Lack of trust Trust or the lack of trust seems to be an outburst button for some people. The feeling that they thought they could trust a parent, a person they loved, a pastor, or an employer causes some people to build a wall and battle anyone else that tries to get beyond the wall. Learned behavior Some anger outbursts are not so much deep-seated anger as it is learned behavior. The child’s tantrums show frustration over a parental system that is flawed. Over time the child has been inadvertently taught that the parent’s “No” means no on some occasions, but other times that same parent’s “No” really means maybe. Experience has taught the child that loud outbursts often pay off. How to deal with anger A parent cannot take the anger away from the child, but a parent can certainly set the stage for the child to deal with the anger in an appropriate manner. First, think through the times when the child or young person has angry outbursts. Is there any pattern? Is it with one authority figure more than the others? If so, check how consistent the parent has been in disciplining the child. Second, choose a consequence for the outbursts. Deal with the behavior! If the small child is out of control, hug the child tightly so he cannot hurt himself or others. For the older child or teen, do not get drawn into the argument. Tell them you will discuss it when they calm down. Then as he/she calms down let him know what he has done wrong. Refuse to discuss the circumstance that brought out the outburst until the child is willing to first discuss the inappropriateness of the actual outburst. As hard as it is to do, stay calm yourself. Your outburst will only give permission for the child to have outbursts. Third, during calmer times talk with the child and let him know that there will now be a consequence for unacceptable outbursts. Perhaps it is an extra chore that will take thirty minutes to complete. Something the child can complete and then discuss what they were frustrated about. For us it was writing. Our children had to sit and write a letter of apology to the person or parent they “attacked.” Lastly, find a time (when the child has calmed down) to sit and talk with the child about their anger. Agreat time for these discussions is sitting on the side of their bed that night. The emphasis is on “that night.” The Bible says, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26b). Don’t let the child spend time in bed that night festering over the fact that they have done damage to their parent/child relationship. Parents must deal with the outburst in order to get to deal with the anger. Dealing with the anger is to help the child learn skills for good future relationships. Life has disappointments and pain that will lead to anger. The parent’s roll is to help the child deal with the anger without sinning. This process will not work in one month. It will, however, help the child grow up with a plan for dealing with their adult anger. This is what parenting is all about – seeing things in a child’s life that must be addressed while they are still children so that when they are old they will not depart from it from those lessons which have been taught (Proverbs 22:6). "Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV). Visit parentingonpurpose.org formoreadvice fromDr.BobBarnesandTorreyRoberts. - Dr. Bob Barnes and Torrey Roberts - Sheridan House FamilyMinistries Dealing with Relationship Cancer: Anger
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LIVE THE LIFE 16 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition This year I've chosen to read the New Testament chronologically. Initially, I didn't enjoy the process, but as I've read the gospel accounts leading up to Jesus' death on the cross, I've thought a lot about obedience and its connection to forgiveness. Jesus, in His humanity, has experienced the hurts and betrayals of humankind, and in His humanness, He prayed and asked God to let the cup of suffering pass. Knowing He was God made man, being fully aware of the agony he'd experience, He still chose to humble himself and yield to the will of God. He had a choice, and He chose to obey. Without His obedience, our relationship with God couldn't be restored. Does our obedience to forgive mean we won't suffer the pain and hurt of the incident? No. There is a practical side to forgiveness: DOING & BEING. Doing comes before being. We can demonstrate forgiveness and depend on God for the being. In other words, out of obedience to God, we can respond to our offender in a manner pleasing to Him and rely on Him to heal our wounds and bring us to a place of peace, release and heartfelt forgiveness. We don't have to grit it up and gut it out. We obey (doing), and He changes our hearts (being). We can learn and practice forgiveness, but it's a process that may take courage and always takes time. Give them to God Unforgiveness binds us to the offender. We think about it often. We take it with us everywhere we go. It's like a ball and chain we can't escape. Imagine yourself dragging your ball and chain to God and asking him to take the ball and unlock you from the chain. Release you from the burden and release the offender to Him. God can do whatever He pleases with the person. Take comfort in that God is trustworthy, a God of judgment, but the verdict is HIS. The Scripture is clear that vengeance is His, and He will repay. Forgiveness doesn't mean the offender shouldn't be held accountable, but it leaves the "sentencing" to God. Remember who the real enemy is Even though it feels like the enemy is the offender, and it looks like it's the offender, it's not. They've become a tool in Satan's hand. Satan is the God of confusion and chaos. When you find yourself in a relationship filled with confusion and chaos, the real enemy is behind the scenes. The secret is recognizing it for what it is and putting ourselves in God's hands. Again, we're back to obedience. What does God say to do during times of conflict? Put on the whole armor of God. Draw boundaries We can't control or change our offender, but we can control our response, including not enabling perpetual lousy behavior. To quote Lysa TerKeurst, "Forgiveness releases our need for retaliation, not boundaries." Boundaries are two-fold protection; they keep others at a distance, keeping us safe. Forgiveness is not allowing injustice to continue; healthy, mature people have boundaries, and God's truth provides parameters. Find a godly mentor or counselor and ask them to help you define the appropriate boundaries necessary to maintain a heart of forgiveness and then communicate those boundaries to those involved. Forgiveness doesn’t equal healing God requires forgiveness. It's an act of obedience by us, but it takes time for our feelings to catch up with our decision to forgive. The actions of the offender have an emotional cost to the offended. It could be a $50-dollar cost or a $5,000,000 cost. The higher the emotional cost, the longer the emotional healing will take. Forgiveness doesn't always repair our relationships, nor does it mean reconciliation, but it does help mend our hearts. Satan never wants us to forgive When we are angry and bitter and unwilling to forgive, the door opens wide for sin and gives the devil a foothold in our life. One of the most deceptive snares Satan uses to get believers out of the will of God is an offense. Unforgiveness restrains countless Christians, severs relationships and widens the gulfs between us. Jesus said, "It is impossible that no offenses should come” (Luke 17:1). Although we will encounter offense, we can choose how we will react. Our responsibility before God is not the behaviors of my offender but my responses to those behaviors. Forgiveness is a command. Take it to the cross When I carry offenses, God reminds me of the words He spoke on the cross on my behalf. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Forgive, Lisa, for she knows not what she's done. If He can forgive me for every deed, every misspoken word, every thought, then when I'm furiously offended, I'm reminded that the offender is just like me — a sinner in need of God's grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. Live the Life South Florida exists to strengthen marriages and families through healthy relationship education, beginning in middle school through senior adults. We are educators, coaches, and pastoral counselors. If you're looking for a clinical counselor or therapist, we are blessed to have many in the South Florida community. We'd be honored to provide you a list of highly qualified and reputable individuals. Visit livethelifesoflo.org - Lisa May - Executive Director, Live the Life South Florida To Forgive is to Obey
18 APRIL 2022 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida Edition YOU ASK WHY What’s so “Good” about Good Friday? As 21st century believers, it’s easy to look back on the day our Lord Jesus went to the cross to pay the penalty for our sins and call it “Good Friday.” Our Lord Jesus willingly suffered and died in our place so that we might have eternal life by trusting in Him as our redeeming Savior. But that day was anything but “good” for the friends, followers and disciples of Jesus who witnessed the horrific events that took place. At least . . . that’s how it looked at the time. Jesus was sentenced to die by crucifixion, the most agonizing method of death known at that point in history. Prior to that, Jesus was beaten and brutally scourged, and the Roman soldiers added to His suffering by jamming a crown of thorns into His head before He was nailed to the cross. It had been prophesied that the physical abuse Jesus suffered would be so terrible that “his appearance [would be] disfigured beyond that of any human being and his form marred beyond human likeness” (Isaiah 52:14). By the time Jesus was lifted up on the cross, naked and beaten beyond recognition, the faithful few who stood by, watching and weeping, would have been utterly appalled. The One they had believed was going to redeem Israel was now dying in the most terrible way known to man . . . and their hopes were dying right along with Him. Jesus’ despairing cry, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” would have pierced their hearts like a sword thrust. It had to be the worst day any of them had ever experienced. When darkness reigns Now, for the Jewish religious leaders, it really was a “good” Friday — a great Friday, in their minds. For more than three years, they had fretted and fumed about the growing popularity of this Jesus, who was threatening to overturn their corrupt religious system and their very way of life. This Man who claimed to be the Son of God had backed up those claims with countless miracles, attracting such huge crowds that the religious leaders finally concluded, “If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and then the Romans will come and take away both our temple and our nation” (John 11:48). This unholy hatred caused the religious leaders to plot and scheme “to arrest Jesus in some sly way and kill him” (Matthew 26:4). So on that dark day some 2,000 years ago, the religious leaders were feeling a deep sense of satisfaction over the capture, confrontation, condemnation and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. They openly mocked Him as He hung on the cross, saying things like, “He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him” (Matthew 27:43). Their sneering statements amounted to a smug, sinful, self-righteous “Good riddance!” to this unwelcomed and unwanted itinerate preacher. And then, as darkness covered the land, Jesus uttered those last words: “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit” (Luke 23:46). Just a few hours earlier, He had said to His triumphant captors, “This is your hour — when darkness reigns” (Luke 22:53), and surely the darkness of evil seemed to have triumphed. People smote their breasts to express their grief and walked away. Goodness had been tortured to death; the Light of the World had just flickered out. What man meant for evil God meant for good No one on that hill known as “The Skull” recognized that what sinful men had intended for evil, God meant for the greatest good the world has ever known. The apostle Paul rejoiced that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). You and I were sinners on the road to hell when Jesus bore the judgment and wrath of God that we deserved to bear for our sins. The Son of God was forsaken by His Father so that you and I will never be. But that’s not all that’s good about Good Friday! As you know, the death of Jesus was not the end of the story. Three days later, on the first Easter morning, Jesus walked out of the grave, alive and well and walked into the hearts of millions. God the Father had put His stamp of approval on God the Son, giving us proof positive that Christ’s atoning sacrifice had eternally satisfied God’s righteous wrath against our sins . . . all our sins. The apostle Paul explained that “Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep” (1 Corinthians 15:20). Because Jesus was raised from the dead, all those who trust in Him can be sure they will be also. What’s so good about Good Friday? What’s so great about Good Friday? The Spirit of God gave David a vision of it. “O Lord, you brought me up from the grave,” David exulted; “you spared me from going down into the pit” (Psalm 30:3). Man’s great fear is death. I served for years on the Hollywood Fire Rescue, and I have seen men die who knew not the Christ. I saw the sheer terror in their eyes, and I felt them grip my forearm, desperately fighting to keep from going down into the abyss. But for the Christ-follower, no such fear exists. “‘Where, O death, is your victory?’” Paul rejoiced. “‘Where, O death, is your sting?’ . . . Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:55, 57). That’s what’s so great about Good Friday. God has demonstrated that there is nothing that can defeat those who place their trust in Him. One last thought On Good Friday, Jesus hung on the cross as darkness covered the land and evil appeared to have won the day. But God had a different plan! Is there some darkness that seems to be threatening your life today? Are you despairing about a health issue . . . a troubled marriage . . . problems at work . . . a prodigal child . . . financial distress? The resurrection of Jesus Christ places an exclamation point at the conclusion of God’s promise to work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Christian, when all hope seems to gone, God will do something unimaginably beautiful . . . in this life or in the next. “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing . . . that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” (Psalm 30:11-12 ESV). That is His promise for your eternal future and mine, a promise that was sealed when a dead man got up and walked out of His tomb. You have His Word on it! Happy Easter! This is the Gospel. This is grace for your race. NEVER FORGET THAT . . . AMEN! Dr. Tommy Boland is senior pastor of Cross Community Church in Deerfield Beach (www.thecrosscc.org). He blogs regularly at tommyboland.com. - Tommy Boland - Cross Community Church Pastor
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