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30 August 2017
ENCOURAGEMENT
Good News - Broward Edition
Pu Pu Platters and Intimacy
Chris Alexander
Good News
Being single for the majority
of my 52 years of living, I have a
few observations when it comes
to dating. Though there are
some consistencies from dating
in my 20’s and in my 50’s, there
is one aspect that seems to be
more prevalent today: the lack
of intimacy. By intimacy I am not
talking about sex but emotional
intimacy. (Half of you just turned
the page. For the rest who are still
reading, I’ll try my best to keep
you engaged.)
With the ever-increasing
internet connections replacing
human contact and interfacing,
it is no wonder true intimacy is
lacking in many relationships. To
get closer one must put forth “old
school” effort and actually talk…
in person…without Bluetooth.
But the trend I’m seeing lately is
men and women who don’t seem
to WANT true intimacy. Is it
fear of being vulnerable? Is it too
much to invest? But isn’t that the
actual goal of dating—to find that
one special person with whom to
share your soul?
The Pu Pu Platter
In talking with some of my
guy friends I learned though they
tout their desire for that one spe-
cial gal, their actions prove other-
wise. Instead of getting closer on
a more intimate level (again emo-
tionally speaking) with one lady,
they choose to sample the pu pu
platter. You know that Chinese
appetizer tray that showcases a
variety of sumptuous food. Tak-
ing a taste here, a taste there…
exploring various women… these
men never satisfy their appetite.
And if they are having sex with
these “samples” they now become
a “playa” and things start to smell,
well… like pu pu. No one benefits
from this kind of casualness and
usually causes a casualty in the
end. And as Christians, we are
well aware of God’s plan for sex to
be within the realm of marriage.
Now don’t get me wrong.
There is a process of “interview-
ing” when dating. Before com-
mitting to that special person,
you will most likely do a bit of
comparison shopping. But when
it stays at that level with no for-
ward direction, then it becomes
what I’ve termed “sport dating.”
It’s along the same lines of sport
fishing — catch and release with
no intention of keeping the fish.
With this type of dating, there is
little chance of creating that true
intimacy that only comes when
you develop a one-on-one rela-
tionship.
Intimacy: risks and rewards
Why, you may ask, is emo-
tional intimacy so important, and
why are we afraid of it? As men-
tioned before, there is a level of
bearing one’s soul and becoming
vulnerable. For men especially,
this may seem anti-manly as they
are often taught to conceal their
inner emotions. But isn’t that one
reason God created woman—to
be that counterpart, that comple-
ment, to the man? True intimacy
does require a deep level of trust.
Sharing your vulnerabilities with
someone and expecting themnot
to use this information against
you is risky. But that is why we
do choose our mates wisely and
include God in the selection pro-
cess. The reward of true intima-
cy is great. It is that deep level of
friendship that sustains a couple.
Many marriages have often failed
due to the lack of emotional in-
timacy, which usually results in
lack of physical intimacy as well.
Visiting ports of call
If you will indulge me, I’d like
to take us beyond the pu pu plat-
ter and onto a deeper analogy of
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