THE CODE 20 February 2025 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida edition “I am sending him back. You therefore receive him, that is, my own heart, whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel But without your consent I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary. For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave-a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord” (Philemon 1:12–16). “Let’s just bury the hatchet.” How many times have we heard this well-worn phrase, and how few times have we genuinely put it into practice? It carries with it all the connotations of mending broken relationships, forgetting old scores, and beginning again, afresh and anew. The phrase finds its origin in American Indian culture. When making peace with each other, they would ceremoniously bury a hatchet in the ground to signify those hostilities were over and done with. The capacity to forgive is one of the most vital, and often one of the most overlooked concepts in ongoing interpersonal relationships. The ability to forgive others, and sometimes even ourselves, is essential in the maintenance of positive and mutually beneficial relationships. Forgiveness: The foundation of lasting relationships The single most important factor in ongoing relationships is the ability to forgive, to bury the hatchet, when we have been wronged. Paul's letter to Philemon teaches us that positive relationships are not simply built on affirmation and accommodation, but their fabric must be woven with strands of forgiveness for them to endure. Any relationship that is lasting and worthwhile will have its moments of stress and disappointment, even brokenness, at times. The ability to forgive a wrong is always found in the most lasting relationships. In fact, the most secure ones are usually those in which people have weathered the storms and buried the hatchets. My wife, Susie, and I have now been married over half a century. There have been times when I have been insensitive to her needs or spoken harshly. But she has always forgiven me and moved on. In raising our daughters, there were times we made mistakes and our patience ran thin. But our girls have always forgiven us. There were times when they did not always obey and later came to ask for forgiveness, and we always buried the hatchet with lessons learned and applied. Unfortunately, many interpersonal relationships with so much potential are destroyed by a lack of forgiveness. When some cannot swallow their pride and bury the hatchet with another, they are building barriers in place of bridges to better relationships. Forgiveness, accompanied by the desire to move forward, is key to successful marriages, productive business ventures, continued local church health and growth, and lasting friendships. The two sides of reconciliation In order to bury the hatchet in relationships, it is imperative to remember that there are two sides of a coin. As the old adage says, "It takes two to tango." There is an offending party and an offended party in broken relationships. And if we are honest, each of us has been both the offender and the offended. Onesimus was the offending party in this drama before us. He was a bond servant to Philemon and under contractual obligations. Under the cover of night, Onesimus robbed Philemon and ran away. There is also an offended party in broken relationships. That is, there is one who has been wronged or wounded. The Bible makes plain that Philemon was the offended party. And the truth is, in most broken relationships, we need a "Paul," someone who can stand in the middle and help each party see the part they must play to make wrongs right again. Two things must happen, one on the part of the offending party and the other on the part of the offended party, to genuinely mend a broken relationship. The offending party must come to the table with a repentant heart. If not, there can be no genuine reconciliation. If Onesimus had simply said he was sorry and returned with no recourse or change of heart or attitude, the wound would never have healed and the relationship would never have mended. How many tunes have we seen this scenario play out when the offending party is not truly sorry but simply sorry they got caught? There must be a truly repentant heart on the part of the offending party. However, it takes two to bury the hatchet. There must be a receptive heart on the part of the offended party that is void of a spirit of resentment or retaliation. Most often the biggest burden falls on those who have been deeply wronged in a relationship. As a pastor for decades, I have noticed that most relationships are destroyed not because the offending party lacked a repentant heart but because the offended party would not receive the other, forgive, and move on. Both parties have a major role in seeing true reconciliation become a reality. Lessons from Onesimus and Philemon Most broken relationships can be salvaged. If I were speaking now, I would raise my voice a little here for emphasis. "Most broken relationships can be salvaged!” I am a firm believer in reconciliation. I have seen it take place in so many beautiful ways. But everyone must do their part. We live in a culture where more and more are going from one relationship to another, repeating a process that leaves broken hearts and battered dreams in their wake. Too many, when seeing a breakdown in a relationship, simply cut what they could not untie, like an old shoelace. No matter how much may have been invested in someone, it seems easier for some to junk the relationship and move on to the next. We do not do that with our automobiles. We make a major investment in a car, and if it doesn’t start one morning, what do we do? Junk it? If we can’t fix it, we call for help. We pinpoint the problem and get it fixed. If that is good sense for an auto repair, why isn’t it good sense for relationships that have years of investment behind them? There are too many deposits of love and time invested in a relationship to just junk it when it sputters or has a flat tire. When relationships are broken, our general tendency is to see ourselves only as the offended party. And this is exactly at the heart of why some of us live a lifetime with broken relationships discarded along our path of life. Few of us really want to admit that we are the offending party. It is usually someone else's fault in our minds. Few of us are keen on taking personal responsibility. We have been programmed since our childhood to point the finger of accusation at someone else. But isn't there a little of Onesimus in all of us? Could it be that as we continue reading his story, we have something to learn from him? Onesimus went back! And he did so with sincere remorse and regret that led to genuine repentance. Philemon had no choice but to receive him and let the party begin. Perhaps you are Onesimus. It might be that, like him, you need to go back and admit a wrong when before you insisted that you were always right. Are you Philemon? Do you need to forgive someone who hurt or wronged you? Is here an experience from your own life in which you need to bury the hatchet? Taken from The Connection Code by O.S. Hawkins. Copyright © 2023 by Dr. O.S. Hawkins. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson. O. S. Hawkins is the chancellor of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He has served pastorates, including the First Baptist Church in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and the First Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas, for more than 25 years. A native of Fort Worth, Texas, he has a BBA from Texas Christian University and his MDiv and Ph.D. from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. For almost a quarter of a century, he served as president of GuideStone Financial Resources, with assets under management of $20 billion, serving 250,000 pastors, church staff members, missionaries, doctors, university professors, and other workers in various Christian organizations with their investment, retirement and benefit service needs. He is the author of more than 40 books and regularly speaks to business groups and churches nationwide. All of the author’s royalties and proceeds from the Code series support Mission:Dignity. You can learn more about Mission:Dignity by visiting MissionDignity.org. - Dr. O.S. Hawkins - Chancellor, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary Burying the Hatchet
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