MARRIAGE 46 September 2024 www.goodnewsfl.org Good News • South Florida edition + + + + + + ++ + + ++ ++ + + + ++ ++ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + ++ ++ + + + + ,4),60 ) 886* )62 2.20 251) * ( 9878668543210/85?86. BA@?B>=?<;B: @; 0 2% $)8 0 6214,6 "21! 0 2!, 072), @ ;B) ,0 , (8 8/,6 <: <:<@ :: &2%4)2$# -,001,4 10 2 '27,4 8$80 ) (6,,# ;;:>; @ :: - A 2!! 1 (80),4) -1,*2)10. 86 8048 10$! 41 , ,! 1,385 64 1 4BA@?BA;?:=@> 9878668543210/85 0$ 987866854?3210/85 93210/85 0$$ 98786685433210/85 I don’t know what I don’t know that I don’t know. Our opening conversation with many couples is helping them see what they don’t see, and they don't know they can't see it. Follow along with me. We know what we know; I know where I live. We know what we don't know. I know I don't know where you live, but I don't know that I don't know that you live in several places depending on the season. This seems insignificant except when it's about pain points in our relationships. In other words, we have blind spots, and because we're blind in some areas, we don't know that we can't see something. There's a difference between knowing something exists, although you might not see it, and being unaware that something exists that I don’t see. Blind spots! Recognizing blind spots in others In the last few months, I’ve seen blind spots everywhere. I’ve seen it between friends where one has been offended and the other is clueless to the point of severing decades of a friendship. I see it in the workplace between coworkers where one doesn’t recognize the sharpness of their tone, so they avoid conversations and feel overlooked. I see it in ministries when we become territorial of our ministry space, so we compete rather than collaborate. I see it in marriages where one often grumbles and the other is condescending, so one avoids the other. I see it when we judge someone's action, not recognizing they've done the same thing with a slightly different scenario. I see it in families where jealousy takes root, and we compare. I see it in the story of the prodigal son, where the older brother is offended that the father is having a party for the returning prodigal, and the older son does not realize his jealousy may have been a factor in the younger son leaving. At first, what is glaringly apparent, over time becomes a blind spot. When blind spots go unchecked, they lead us to an emotional briar patch where things are testy, prickly and somewhat painful, but with repetitive behavior, the darkness becomes darker, and we find ourselves entangled in what could be deadly barbed wire. So, if we don't know what we don't know, how do we avoid stepping into the briar patch or running into barbed wire? A friend once said they'd counted on their friends to tell them what their blind spots were. I thought to myself, no one will speak up about your blind spots. Friends don't tell friends they're stubborn, that they aren't losing weight because they overeat, or they exaggerate the truth. Approaching a friend is different than approaching our spouse, but approaching anyone for a heart-to-heart conversation to explore their blind spots doesn't typically go well, especially when we begin with you do that, you do this, you always. So, what do we do? How to reveal your blind spots We ask. Make it a practice to ask people what your blind spots are. What don't I see, hear or speak that I'm blind to? What does my body language portray that I don't see? What is my facial expression saying to others? An employee laughingly told me not to play poker in a recent staff meeting. I wasn't offended, but was that because I was mindlessly insensitive? Am I blind to their needs, am I blind to my tone, am I blind to their challenges, am I blind to the need for affirmation? After you ask your friends, coworkers, spouse and children what your blind spots are, ask Jesus. Ask HIM every day to reveal your blind spots. So, now that we know what we didn't know we didn't know, what do we do to avoid our black holes of sight? So, how do we overcome our blind spots? We pray for God to reveal them to us through His word and His people. We humble ourselves, and we practice new behavior day by day so that others can see Him. “The Lord gives sight to the blind; the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, and the LORD loves the righteous” (Psalm 146:8). - Lisa May - Executive Director, Relate Well Live Well Blind Spots
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