Good News Florida

GoodNewsFL.org 41 JANUARY 2018 MARRIAGE Identify Roles Research shows that couples that identify clear roles and re- sponsibilities aremore success- ful than those that do not. Some chose to divide responsibilities based on traditional gender roles while others chose to se- lect home and family responsi- bilities based on strengths, talents or personal preference. (Romans 12: 5-8) What’s most important is the roles are clear. One of the best ways to make this happen is to brainstorm all of the tasks that need to occur on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis and assign the roles indi- vidually or by category, so it is clear who is responsible for which tasks. Some couples might even schedule when the tasks will be completed so ex- pectations are clear. Extend grace When (not if) one of the spouses is not able to fulfill their role that day or week, can you give her/him the benefit of the doubt that their intentions to serve the home and family are good? None of us will fulfill our responsibilities or be the man or woman of our dreams every day. Give grace, just as God forgives our mistakes and mis- givings daily. (Matthew 7:12) It is out of a heart of gratitude to God that we are able to show grace and mercy to the one we’ve devoted our life to loving. Beyond extending grace, you might even offer to help your husband rake the leaves or sur- prise your wife by getting the laundry done while she is at the grocery store. Listen Take time to listen to one another. (Galatians 6:2) Most people just want someone to walk alongside them in a chal- lenging situation. Just “bear” or hold the feeling or concern with her or him. Romans 12:15 in- vites us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” One of my fa- vorite prayers of St Francis of Assisi finishes with, “O Divine Master, let me not so much seek to be consoled as to con- sole; to be understood, as to un- derstand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are bon to eternal life.” Mission statement Successful organizations have a mission statement that determines their identity and purpose, core values that guide their decisions, and behavioral standards that guide their ac- tions. Building a thriving mar- riage is similar to building a successful marriage. God has brought you together for a pur- pose. What will your legacy be? What values aremost meaning- ful to you? Identifying those val- ues or principles as a couple – one body in Christ – will help you be intentional about how you use your time and re- sources and will serve as a guide when making difficult de- cisions. Finally, I encourage anyone I work with to create a set of standards that will guide their behaviors. Team standards for married couples help both spouses understand how each person can be successful in meeting the other’s needs and being a good team member within the marriage. Plan date nights Take the time to get to know one another and connect with one another emotionally, mentally and physically. Rather than going to a movie where you barely speak to one an- other, go to a park or a place you both enjoy and ask each other questions about what brings you joy and dreams you have for the future. Take an on- line personality assessment, identify your strengths at strengthsfinder.com , identify your love languages at 5love- languages.com , or enjoy a light game of “Would you rather?” Be intentional about having fun together and building a strong foundation for your mar- riage. When the storm comes, you will be prepared with a plan and be ready to stand firm. Terry Morrow Nelson, Ph.D. is an assistant dean and assistant professor at Nova Southeastern University. She is also president of the Partnership for Leadership and Transformation. Terry is happily married with two small children.